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josephrjusticeSetup and background for the following:
A few days ago, I got a connection request on a social networking website I have an account on, from someone I've known for N many years (back when I first started college), with a comment that a third party (who, if it was who I thought it was, was someone we both have known for several years) was looking for me. I couldn't understand why this third party was looking for me, since (assuming my assumption was correct) as far as I knew they knew (or should have known) all my contact information, as none of it has changed in many years and to the best of my knowledge they had (or should have had) all of it.
So, when I eventually responded to the connection request I asked if the third party was who I thought it was, and if so why this third party was looking for me if the person issuing the connection request knew and cared to say. (I also speculated that perhaps the third party was actually a different person altogether, trying to get me to finally resolve something of significant personal importance to me but not otherwise of interest to people in general, which I'd unfairly left in their hands and unresolved for Far Too Long; this, because I'd roughly simultaneously been contacted by other means on this very issue and had, finally, Done Something about it.)
The person issuing the connection request to me then forwarded to me a message from the third party (who turned out to be who I thought it was), letting all involved know they'd forwarded the message to me since it was concerning me mind you, which revealed that this all was in fact related to the different person and the thing of significant personal importance to me which I'd, finally, Done Something about. However, the forwarded message from the third party had several points in it which I thought were either mistaken or else just worthy of comment or response. So, I wrote a response and sent it to the person issuing the connection request via the social networking website, asking them to forward it as appropriate since the website wasn't (easily at least) allowing my response to go to all the recipients of the original message.
But... Since I'd spent a significant amount of time writing this response and didn't see why I shouldn't get more "bang for the buck" in terms of use for the effort I'd spent composing this response, and frankly because I just felt like doing so, I decided to post the response elsewhere. I have partially redacted the response as I thought appropriate, but otherwise it is what I originally wrote, mistakes and all.
Some of you might receive this response via multiple channels; if you do, my apologies, and I assure you it is the same content on all the channels I am sending it to so you need not bother to read further if you do not care to (comments on and responses to the content might differ, of course).
The response I wrote:
[Request to forward this response]
(1) jrj@radix.net (a.k.a. jrj@saltmine.radix.net) is not and has not been defunct. I can also be reached at jayarejay@gmail.com, and check that address more frequently by far, but still check jrj every few days at worst. (Mind you, I might not be good at _responding_ to said mail, depending, but I do at least _receive_ it.) Both addresses are fully public for me and can freely be provided to whomever wants or needs them.
(I will admit, jrj@ACCESS.DIGEX.net has been defunct for, what, 15 years now? Longer? But, I'm certain [the third party]'s received mail from and successfully sent mail to me since the time of the DigExodus, back in the day.)
(2) I am in Fort Lauderdale, FL, and have been there for the last moderate-amount-of-N years. It's true that it does not snow here, and that there are palm trees.
It does, however, at least sometimes get cold, or at least cold-ish, in the winter. Considering that I live in a premises that is not well insulated and has no intrinsic source of heating, this is a less than fully desirable thing, especially since I've never much liked the cold to begin with, and most or all of my "winter-type" clothes are in semi-storage or long since lost to the ravages of time. Nevertheless, I will not claim that the cold here compares to the cold found in, say, Boston, or NYC, or Baltimore/DC. (But, if I still lived up there, I'd be much more accustomed to and prepared for the level of cold down here, and no doubt would, under those circumstances, find it "refreshingly mild" or something like that.)
(3) [Concerning the matter of significant personal interest to me which I'd, finally, Done Something about]
(4) I like the term "edress". I don't think I've encountered it before.
(5) I make little use of LinkedIn, and Facebook (where I also have an account), and Twitter (where I also have an account), and MySpace (where I also have an account), and LiveJournal (where I also have an account), and OKCupid (where I also have an account), and some other mainstream and non-mainstream / alternative dating and contact sites (where I also have accounts at), and Orkut (where I also have an account), and (what's the one everyone likes sending their pictures to, Flickr?) (where I also have an account), and and and and and and. In part, that's because these days I haven't much of anything to say. In *large* part, that's because up until recently I haven't had computer hardware and connectivity that was adequate to make any real use of these types of services tolerable, much less pleasant. (It's much harder to use highly interactive graphics- and JavaScript-heavy web sites on a computer running an out-of-support version of Kubuntu Linux with 386 MB RAM and 4 GB disk connected to the Internet via 56 K dialup.) These days, currently, I mostly mindlessly farm low level monsters on RetroMUD, read certain semi-s3kr3t not-so-high-volume-anymore social random-chatter mailing lists (mostly in read-only mode), and occasionally say something on EFNet IRC. *shrug*
I also (generally) have few connections on these services, above-and-beyond the fact that I don't use them much for the above-mentioned reasons, because ... I don't know. Maybe I'm too reticent, or shy, or fearful of rejection, even to send a fairly automated e-mail to someone to say "Hi, I'd like to establish a link to you on this service". I don't even, mostly, respond to e-mails *from others* trying to establish such links (I've just this instant actually responded to a bunch of them, some quite old).
I know one thing I feel quite strongly about (I believe I've actually written a rant about this once upon a time on Multiply (where I also have an account)) is ... a lot of these services seem to think that if I try to establish a linkage between me and somebody else on their service, that must mean I consider them my "friend". I ... hate that. I loathe it. I despise it. I cannot find words to express how thoroughly, how deep-down gut *internally*, it ANGERS me to have them make that assertion, that conclusion. I can't stand it.
Much or most (not *all* mind you, but most) of the time, if I want to establish a link to someone on one of these services, the most I want to assert by the establishment of that linkage is that I consider them an *acquaintance* (or, perhaps, a *friendly* acquaintance) of some sort. That's it. That's ALL. I don't want to claim they are my "friend" (sure, they *may* be, but that's a different matter), I don't want to claim I am their "friend" (sure, I *might* be, but again that's a different matter), all I want to do is claim that I "know" them at some (perhaps quite superficial and ephemeral!) level.
But, these services cannot do that. They are not set *up* to do that. No, they must conclude that if there's a link, that must mean I am their "friend". Bah. I don't claim to know, anymore, what it means to "be a friend", to "have a friend" (if, indeed, I *ever* knew). I don't claim to have a good definition, an expressible definition, of the concept of "friend". But, just as the United States Supreme Court knows porn when it sees it ... I know what I know. And, what I know is, often, it *ain't* it.
Then again... Who knows? Perhaps I'm just trying to make up justifications for my (probably largely (if not wholly) self-inflicted) sense of social and intellectual isolation and deprivation. It wouldn't be the first time I've been guilty of self-aggrandizing rationalization, I'm sure.
All I know is, the thought of sending out one of those contact messages to someone else, it's like ... like the idea of nails scraping along an old-fashioned chalkboard, to me. It has that same effect.
In any event. Hope this is of some use, interest. Thanks for giving me a moment of your time (or at least a click of your Delete/Block/Spam button). Hope y'all are happy and healthy and well.
Be well. Take care. Do good things.
Joseph
PS: Every time a person top-posts, God kills a kitten.
I figure this response must be good for, what, at least 6 or 7 of 'em. Maybe even 60 or 70 of the furry lil' buggers.
Who needs spay and neuter?
[Top-posted previous messages in the thread of messages, which I'd duly also top-posted to]
A few days ago, I got a connection request on a social networking website I have an account on, from someone I've known for N many years (back when I first started college), with a comment that a third party (who, if it was who I thought it was, was someone we both have known for several years) was looking for me. I couldn't understand why this third party was looking for me, since (assuming my assumption was correct) as far as I knew they knew (or should have known) all my contact information, as none of it has changed in many years and to the best of my knowledge they had (or should have had) all of it.
So, when I eventually responded to the connection request I asked if the third party was who I thought it was, and if so why this third party was looking for me if the person issuing the connection request knew and cared to say. (I also speculated that perhaps the third party was actually a different person altogether, trying to get me to finally resolve something of significant personal importance to me but not otherwise of interest to people in general, which I'd unfairly left in their hands and unresolved for Far Too Long; this, because I'd roughly simultaneously been contacted by other means on this very issue and had, finally, Done Something about it.)
The person issuing the connection request to me then forwarded to me a message from the third party (who turned out to be who I thought it was), letting all involved know they'd forwarded the message to me since it was concerning me mind you, which revealed that this all was in fact related to the different person and the thing of significant personal importance to me which I'd, finally, Done Something about. However, the forwarded message from the third party had several points in it which I thought were either mistaken or else just worthy of comment or response. So, I wrote a response and sent it to the person issuing the connection request via the social networking website, asking them to forward it as appropriate since the website wasn't (easily at least) allowing my response to go to all the recipients of the original message.
But... Since I'd spent a significant amount of time writing this response and didn't see why I shouldn't get more "bang for the buck" in terms of use for the effort I'd spent composing this response, and frankly because I just felt like doing so, I decided to post the response elsewhere. I have partially redacted the response as I thought appropriate, but otherwise it is what I originally wrote, mistakes and all.
Some of you might receive this response via multiple channels; if you do, my apologies, and I assure you it is the same content on all the channels I am sending it to so you need not bother to read further if you do not care to (comments on and responses to the content might differ, of course).
The response I wrote:
[Request to forward this response]
(1) jrj@radix.net (a.k.a. jrj@saltmine.radix.net) is not and has not been defunct. I can also be reached at jayarejay@gmail.com, and check that address more frequently by far, but still check jrj every few days at worst. (Mind you, I might not be good at _responding_ to said mail, depending, but I do at least _receive_ it.) Both addresses are fully public for me and can freely be provided to whomever wants or needs them.
(I will admit, jrj@ACCESS.DIGEX.net has been defunct for, what, 15 years now? Longer? But, I'm certain [the third party]'s received mail from and successfully sent mail to me since the time of the DigExodus, back in the day.)
(2) I am in Fort Lauderdale, FL, and have been there for the last moderate-amount-of-N years. It's true that it does not snow here, and that there are palm trees.
It does, however, at least sometimes get cold, or at least cold-ish, in the winter. Considering that I live in a premises that is not well insulated and has no intrinsic source of heating, this is a less than fully desirable thing, especially since I've never much liked the cold to begin with, and most or all of my "winter-type" clothes are in semi-storage or long since lost to the ravages of time. Nevertheless, I will not claim that the cold here compares to the cold found in, say, Boston, or NYC, or Baltimore/DC. (But, if I still lived up there, I'd be much more accustomed to and prepared for the level of cold down here, and no doubt would, under those circumstances, find it "refreshingly mild" or something like that.)
(3) [Concerning the matter of significant personal interest to me which I'd, finally, Done Something about]
(4) I like the term "edress". I don't think I've encountered it before.
(5) I make little use of LinkedIn, and Facebook (where I also have an account), and Twitter (where I also have an account), and MySpace (where I also have an account), and LiveJournal (where I also have an account), and OKCupid (where I also have an account), and some other mainstream and non-mainstream / alternative dating and contact sites (where I also have accounts at), and Orkut (where I also have an account), and (what's the one everyone likes sending their pictures to, Flickr?) (where I also have an account), and and and and and and. In part, that's because these days I haven't much of anything to say. In *large* part, that's because up until recently I haven't had computer hardware and connectivity that was adequate to make any real use of these types of services tolerable, much less pleasant. (It's much harder to use highly interactive graphics- and JavaScript-heavy web sites on a computer running an out-of-support version of Kubuntu Linux with 386 MB RAM and 4 GB disk connected to the Internet via 56 K dialup.) These days, currently, I mostly mindlessly farm low level monsters on RetroMUD, read certain semi-s3kr3t not-so-high-volume-anymore social random-chatter mailing lists (mostly in read-only mode), and occasionally say something on EFNet IRC. *shrug*
I also (generally) have few connections on these services, above-and-beyond the fact that I don't use them much for the above-mentioned reasons, because ... I don't know. Maybe I'm too reticent, or shy, or fearful of rejection, even to send a fairly automated e-mail to someone to say "Hi, I'd like to establish a link to you on this service". I don't even, mostly, respond to e-mails *from others* trying to establish such links (I've just this instant actually responded to a bunch of them, some quite old).
I know one thing I feel quite strongly about (I believe I've actually written a rant about this once upon a time on Multiply (where I also have an account)) is ... a lot of these services seem to think that if I try to establish a linkage between me and somebody else on their service, that must mean I consider them my "friend". I ... hate that. I loathe it. I despise it. I cannot find words to express how thoroughly, how deep-down gut *internally*, it ANGERS me to have them make that assertion, that conclusion. I can't stand it.
Much or most (not *all* mind you, but most) of the time, if I want to establish a link to someone on one of these services, the most I want to assert by the establishment of that linkage is that I consider them an *acquaintance* (or, perhaps, a *friendly* acquaintance) of some sort. That's it. That's ALL. I don't want to claim they are my "friend" (sure, they *may* be, but that's a different matter), I don't want to claim I am their "friend" (sure, I *might* be, but again that's a different matter), all I want to do is claim that I "know" them at some (perhaps quite superficial and ephemeral!) level.
But, these services cannot do that. They are not set *up* to do that. No, they must conclude that if there's a link, that must mean I am their "friend". Bah. I don't claim to know, anymore, what it means to "be a friend", to "have a friend" (if, indeed, I *ever* knew). I don't claim to have a good definition, an expressible definition, of the concept of "friend". But, just as the United States Supreme Court knows porn when it sees it ... I know what I know. And, what I know is, often, it *ain't* it.
Then again... Who knows? Perhaps I'm just trying to make up justifications for my (probably largely (if not wholly) self-inflicted) sense of social and intellectual isolation and deprivation. It wouldn't be the first time I've been guilty of self-aggrandizing rationalization, I'm sure.
All I know is, the thought of sending out one of those contact messages to someone else, it's like ... like the idea of nails scraping along an old-fashioned chalkboard, to me. It has that same effect.
In any event. Hope this is of some use, interest. Thanks for giving me a moment of your time (or at least a click of your Delete/Block/Spam button). Hope y'all are happy and healthy and well.
Be well. Take care. Do good things.
Joseph
PS: Every time a person top-posts, God kills a kitten.
I figure this response must be good for, what, at least 6 or 7 of 'em. Maybe even 60 or 70 of the furry lil' buggers.
Who needs spay and neuter?
[Top-posted previous messages in the thread of messages, which I'd duly also top-posted to]
