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josephrjusticeThis is my answer to the OKC question "Would you sabotage contraceptives to have kids even though your mate doesn't want kids?" The possible answers are: (1) Yes; (2) No; (3) I'm Not Sure.
Having kids is such a ... fundamentally important and life-altering decision, and action, even (or *especially*) when no specific decision has been made to have children (e.g. an unplanned pregnancy), that I find the decision even to *attempt* to secretly force someone else to have kids when they've actively decided that, for whatever reason, they do not want them to, in *general*, be simply horrific to me. I suppose I could conceive of some truly exceptional circumstances where it'd be understandable at least (for instance, a woman whose mate was terminally ill and soon to die wanting to become pregnant by their mate so as to have some little piece of them remaining and present in the woman's life, even though the mate feels this would place an undue burden or hardship on the woman and so does not want to impregnate her), but outside of something really unusual and extraordinary like that I can't think of a situation where I'd think that trying to force someone to have kids by sabotaging their contraception was in any way acceptable.
Moreover, I've known women for whom pregnancy was not just undesired by them, but would (due to their particular health circumstances) be an active threat to their life. In that sort of situation, not only are you trying to make them do something which they've already decided they are not willing to do, but you're trying to risk their own life to do something they don't themselves want and further risking their life without their prior knowledge or consent. I have to think doing that is even more unacceptable than just sabotaging the contraception of someone who would not be put at unusual or special risk by pregnancy.
If you want kids but your mate does not, talk to them. Find out why they don't want kids. Maybe their decision is based on a false impression or faulty information, and once the mistake is corrected they'll naturally change their mind. Maybe you can persuade them to change their mind. Maybe there's an acceptable compromise the two of you can come to (be it adoption, or fostering children, or whatever). Or, maybe this will turn out to be a case where you just have to accept you cannot have kids *with them*, and instead you must find someone else who is willing to have kids to have a relationship with.
So... My answer to this question (even given the theoretical exceptional circumstance I suggested above) is that No, I would not sabotage contraceptives to have kids even though my mate doesn't want kids. And, I'm going to say that only No is an acceptable answer to me by others to this question, and that it is ... I am going to say a mandatory question to me, because I think it is such a fundamental thing.
Having kids is such a ... fundamentally important and life-altering decision, and action, even (or *especially*) when no specific decision has been made to have children (e.g. an unplanned pregnancy), that I find the decision even to *attempt* to secretly force someone else to have kids when they've actively decided that, for whatever reason, they do not want them to, in *general*, be simply horrific to me. I suppose I could conceive of some truly exceptional circumstances where it'd be understandable at least (for instance, a woman whose mate was terminally ill and soon to die wanting to become pregnant by their mate so as to have some little piece of them remaining and present in the woman's life, even though the mate feels this would place an undue burden or hardship on the woman and so does not want to impregnate her), but outside of something really unusual and extraordinary like that I can't think of a situation where I'd think that trying to force someone to have kids by sabotaging their contraception was in any way acceptable.
Moreover, I've known women for whom pregnancy was not just undesired by them, but would (due to their particular health circumstances) be an active threat to their life. In that sort of situation, not only are you trying to make them do something which they've already decided they are not willing to do, but you're trying to risk their own life to do something they don't themselves want and further risking their life without their prior knowledge or consent. I have to think doing that is even more unacceptable than just sabotaging the contraception of someone who would not be put at unusual or special risk by pregnancy.
If you want kids but your mate does not, talk to them. Find out why they don't want kids. Maybe their decision is based on a false impression or faulty information, and once the mistake is corrected they'll naturally change their mind. Maybe you can persuade them to change their mind. Maybe there's an acceptable compromise the two of you can come to (be it adoption, or fostering children, or whatever). Or, maybe this will turn out to be a case where you just have to accept you cannot have kids *with them*, and instead you must find someone else who is willing to have kids to have a relationship with.
So... My answer to this question (even given the theoretical exceptional circumstance I suggested above) is that No, I would not sabotage contraceptives to have kids even though my mate doesn't want kids. And, I'm going to say that only No is an acceptable answer to me by others to this question, and that it is ... I am going to say a mandatory question to me, because I think it is such a fundamental thing.
